It's become very apparent to me lately that some serious healing needs to take place in my world. Particularly my inner child. I'm realizing how adult I've always had to be and the wall I've built is strong and sturdy, but not very useful. Each brick holds a piece of insecurity and fear.
I look at how this wall impacts my life and how I treat my children. Not only do I portray this image to the outside world that I've convinced myself was necessary, I lie to myself about who I really am. I try and believe that I'm this serious, tough, take no shit woman. I portray an image of stern, albeit wise, and unbreakable.
But reality? I'm human. I'm vulnerable and scared. I worry about what people think of me. I worry that I won't be accepted if I show who I really am. I feel like a burden when I let my feelings show. I analyze every conversation I have with someone convincing myself that they must be annoyed by how I interact. I pick apart every little thing.
The thing is, I know this isn't useful or even true. Not only am I most critical of my own struggles, I know everyone else has their own struggles. Why would they put so much focus on mine. The answer is, they likely wouldn't.
So, I've made a conscious decision. It's time to let it all hang out. It's time to be the goofy, nerdy, lighthearted, emotional, loving, passionate, silly person that I am deep down inside. It's time to break down the wall and show myself, and my beautiful daughters that you can be yourself. It's time to stop worrying about what anyone else might think of me and instead, offer support knowing that they too, struggle just as much as I do.
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